Bully proof your child
BE YOUR CHILD’S GREATEST SUPPORT SYSTEM.
ENCOURAGE THEIR SOCIAL SKILLS
TEACH THEM HOW TO USE THEIR VOICE
It can difficult for kids of bullying to feel confident enough to speak up for themselves. A bully need to feel they have power in making their victim stays submissive and won’t retaliate. Whether you are an adult or a child, using your words in a self defence situation is a powerful tool to defend yourself .
Communication experts recommend teaching your child to begin their statements with assertive phrases such as “I want…” as in the statement “I want you to stop”. Teach them to respond to any aggression against them with a question like, “Why would you call me that?” for instance. This throws off a bully who often expects you to say nothing as they continue their assault on you.
WHAT OTHER TECHNIQUES KIDS CAN USE
Kids don’t want to feel like a tattletale at school by telling on someone who has hurt them or other students. They need to understand that bullying may start as small verbal attacks, but it can escalate into something more physical. This is why we need to make sure kids feel safe enough to advise teachers, principals or parents, as they can all help to stop bullying.
There are many places in a school yard when you may encounter a bully. So if you are been targeted try avoiding from ending up alone in places such as the bathroom, lockers, bus, playground, cafeteria or wherever the bully is likely to be. A good suggestion is having a buddy system to help you feel will safer and you can also offer to do the same for a friend.
TRY TO STAY CALM AND NOT REACT
Although It’s natural to get emotional when you come face to face with a bully. You need to remember that is the exact reaction bullies thrive on. It makes them feel more powerful. Practice not reacting by showing no emotion. If you are not willing to play the bullies game by stroking his ego by getting upset it will help to stay off the bully’s radar.
SET BOUNDARIES AND THEN WALK AWAY.
Just like any self defence situation whether it’s at school or on the street. It is important to set a clear boundary by firmly and clearly tell the bully to stop. Even though I was fairly popular in high school, I even had to deal with the occasional bully. Usually it was over boys or things that did not even concern them.
AS AN EXAMPLE
I remember this one girl who hated the fact l was dating this particular guy and started to spread rumours. I have never tolerated bullies and she never had the courage to say anything to my face. She mouthed off in a letter in class once with her friend next to her and I simply wrote back that at least I don’t need a bodyguard.
This completely took them off guard and had no response and immediately backed off. With some practice you can learn to ignore negative comments, like acting uninterested. By ignoring the bully, you’re showing that you don’t care. Eventually, the bully will probably get bored with trying to bother you.
GET THEM INTO A SELF DEFENCE PROGRAM
Unfortunately, bullies tend to start by been verbally aggressive, but this can escalate into physical violence. It always best to try to de-escalate the situation and then walk away, then get into a physical altercation. But there are times when you are going to have no option to get physical. As long as you are not the one to initiate the fight, it is legally classed as self defence. (This applies in Australia, but check your own country’s self defence laws)
WHAT SHOULD KIDS DO IF CYBERBULLIED (bully proof your child)
As technology continues to increase and improved over the years. So has the number of ways our kids can experience bullying. Including social media, text messaging, video taping and even phone calls are now having a devastating state on the younger generations. Before you think about buying your child a phone or getting access to social media we need to take time to explain the dangers.
If you ever discover they has been bullied online, offer these steps they can take immediately:
- Log off the computer. Ignore the attacks and walk away from the cyberbully.
- Don’t respond or retaliate. If you’re angry or hurt, you might say things you’ll regret later. Cyberbullies often want to get a reaction out of you, so don’t let them know they have succeeded.
- Block the bully. If you get mean messages through IM or a social-networking site, delete the person off your friends list. You also can delete messages from bullies without reading them. You also block them in the settings.
- Save and print out bullying messages. If the harassment continues, save the evidence. This could be important proof to show authorities or parents if the bullying doesn’t stop.
- Talk to a friend. When someone makes you feel bad, sometimes it can help to talk the situation over with a friend.
- Tell a trusted adult. A trusted adult is someone you believe will listen and who has the skills, desire, and authority to help you. Telling an adult isn’t tattling — it’s standing up for yourself. And, even if the bullying occurs online, your school probably has rules against it.
TEACH YOUR KIDS SELF LOVE
WHAT SHOULD I LOOK OUT FOR
Try to watch for a change in your child’s mood. Maybe they have suddenly gotten very quiet and reserved. Make sure as parents we keep our lines of communication open. Kids who are getting bullied will often feel alone, feel like they have no one to talk to and start to withdraw. This could make them hide what is happening, until it all becomes too much.
Often, they might not want to go to school and sometimes they could get angry if you try to push too hard, in order to find out what is wrong. It is important to be patient and let them know you will be there and listen to them when they want to talk.
EDUCATE YOUR KIDS ON BULLYING
In order to bully proof your child. Teach them what bullying is and the different types of bullying they may encounter. Help them understand that they should never pick on someone or exclude someone from games in the playground. Ask them how that would make them feel if the roles were reversed.
Talk with your child about what they should do when they feel like they are getting bullying. Or even how to help another student if they see someone else getting picked on. By empowering them to be able to notice bullying when it is happening not only to them, but also to someone else. In turn they start to feel confident in speaking to someone about it.
BULLYING AND SUICIDE IN KIDS
It is so devastating watching the impact’s bullying is having on our younger generations. When I think about when I was at school. We had no mobile phones, no internet and there was nothing a bully could hide behind. It had to be face to face or nothing and we seemed to stand up for each other more than ever. We thought it was bad then, now it seems like such an easier time.
Where now we live in such a technology based world. Bullies are now hiding behind this very technology. Thinking they don’t have to be accountable for their actions. Now our kids have to be subjected to social media, text messaging, fights filmed and then posted on social networking websites.
MENTAL HEALTH
There are so many beautiful, vulnerable and intelligent kids who feel like they can’t go on. Because they don’t feel they can escape, they feel not listened to or not seen. I feel lucky that my kids high school is extremely focused on kids metal health and are also very strict when it comes to bullying. Even though it will never be fully stopped it does give some parents hope. But unfortunately not all schools in the world have this.
Mental health needs to become an important part of our kid’s education and counselling should be available for kids. Sometimes it may be easier for kids to have a conversation with a stranger than with someone they know. This is the best way to bully proof your child. Community’s need to come together to support metal health in their areas,as we have to also remembering that bullying not only affects our kids. But adults can even experience this in their workplace.
No parent out there wants to ever think their kids are going through bullying and sometimes it’s very hard to understand what are kids are going through on a daily basis. Especially as kids head into their teens and become more independent and moody.
WHAT TO LOOK OUT FOR
While communicating with our kids is the easiest way. We may not understand the signs to look out for, if we feel our kids may feel suicidal. Here are some warning signs to watch out for if you are worried, including the following:
- Isolation from friends and family
- Problems eating or sleeping
- Mood swings
- Reckless behavior
- Dropping grades
- Increased use of alcohol or drugs
- Giving away belongings
- Talking about feeling hopeless or trapped
- Talking about being a burden to others or not belonging
- Talking about suicide or wanting to die
- Writing or drawing about suicide or acting it out in play