Fear to freedom domestic violence
Fear to freedom domestic violence will help you understand the warning signs from potential abusers or ex partners. It is important to understand the early warning signs in a new relationship. But also if you are trying to escape from this type of relationship. Some of the most powerful questions around the world are how can we stop violence against women? why does it happen? and how can women protect themselves? So let’s dive into the facts of domestic violence.
POTENTIAL PARTNERS
Unfortunately abuse towards women can occur in many different ways and it’s not always physical. Research has broken down abuse into 5 types. I will explore these in more detail as we go through this article. They are
- PSYCHOLOGICAL
- EMOTIONAL
- FINANCIALLY
- SEXUAL
- PHYSICAL
PSYCHOLOGICAL
This type of abuse includes things like intimidation or making threats. Threats could be something like breaking something or hurting someone you care about. Especially if you don’t comply with their demands.
EMOTIONAL ABUSE
Can be insults, belittling such as telling you that you are fat, ugly and you will never get anyone any better. Another tactic is making you feel guilty if you want to spend time with friends or loved ones. Humiliating or shaming their victims in front of people.
Victims of this type of abuse will feel a mixture of fear, guilt and shame. Most likely they have been told something like “ no other man would ever love them”. After a long period of this time, they have started to believe that this is true. Also, they would have a fear not only for themselves but also their families.
FINANCIAL ABUSE
Financial abuse usually occurs when you are living with the abuser. They will not let you have control with any money or decision making. Demanding you hand over your pay cheque, you are not allowed to work or criticising how you spend money. This type of behaviour is controlling as they are the only ones who can make all the financial decisions.
SEXUAL ABUSE
Sexual abuse in a relationship is where their partner may make their victims participate in sexual acts, without consent or doing things that are making them feel uncomfortable in anyway.
PHYSICAL ABUSE
Physical abuse also can happen in many ways and not all will leave physical evidence, but by law it will still be classed as physical abuse. These could be any of the following
- Punching, kicking, slapping or shoving
- Locking someone in a room
- Blocking your movements by not allowing you to leave
- Tips food or drink over you
- Spits on you
- Grabs you anywhere with force
- Trying to strangle you
OTHER EFFECTS
Getting out of an abusive relationship can be extremely difficult. Abusers do everything they can to control all aspects of your life. Causing psychological effects like making them feel all the problems are caused by them. By controlling all the finances you are unable to leave or instilling fear that they would cause harm to either themselves, children or loved ones.
This is why it’s important to educate women and teenagers about warning signs to look out for. In order to keep themselves safe. I am not a counsellor or an expert but this is a guide from my own personal experiences and conducting a lot of research. With not only the goal of helping victims, but also helping family members to understand what victims of abuse are experiencing. So you can offer them support on their way to safety and healing.
UNDERSTANDING ABUSERS
Not all emotional abusers become physical. But this is a strong indication that this is not a healthy relationship. When someone decides to abuse you, they have made a conscious decision to do so. They also tend to blame their victims that saying that your behaviour set them off. They will not hold responsibility for their actions and are looking for their partner to become submissive.
Abuse tends to start as emotional abuse and then overtime they will slowly try to get more and more control. Expecting their targeted victim to turn into the person they think they should be. Remember an abusive partner does not only abuse, but will also manipulate your feelings or guilt you to make you stay.
BEHAVIOUR TO LOOK OUT FOR
THEY CONTROL YOU IN EVERY WAY
a healthy relationship should be equal of give and take. But an abusive relationship they won’t let you make a decision of where to go or even what you should wear. They will probably do this gradually. If you begin to see this pattern that a compliment turns into an opinion and then questions turn into an order. Example you look good in short dresses (compliment); you should wear more short dresses (opinion), why are you wearing short dresses (question) and I told you not to wear short dresses (order).
DON’T LIKE THAT YOU SPEND TIME WITH LOVED ONES
An abusive partner will want to isolate you from other people, because they want you to feel that their opinions are the ones that matter. They are terrified that if you started to listen to other people, then you would start to act differently. Therefore, they would lose their control over you, if they deny you a support network, then you would be less likely to leave.
PRESSURED YOU TO START THE RELATIONSHIP
maybe when you first met your partner, you had resignation or doubts. They started to get persistent to get a date.
STARTED TALKING ABOUT YOUR FUTURE EARLY IN THE RELATIONSHIP
they start to mention things like moving in together, marriage or kids unnaturally early into the relationship. This has made you uncomfortable and you started to get a bad feeling. If someone starts to make plans for you without consulting you what your goals or long term plans are. And don’t care what you want, this is a great concern.
NEED TO KNOW WHERE YOU ARE AT ALL TIMES
Most abusers will want to know where and what you are doing at any given moment. This is a form of control. It may start with phone calls or text messages that seem like a general enquiry to show an interest. Then this can escalate to asking what your plans are in advance and then check up on you to make sure you are where you said you would be. Finally they will start to demand what you are up to or who you are talking too.
Fear to freedom domestic abuse is a worldwide phenomenon and there a many governments and organisations out there joining the fight. So you might find yourself asking what can I do to help.
WHAT CAN I DO
- If you think you might know someone who is being subjected to this type of abuse. It is important to become their lifeline, check in with them regularly and even get a third party involved in order to get them removed from this environment.
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Donate to a women’s domestic abuse shelter. This will help women to have a safe haven to go too, seek help and get emotional support.
- Raise Awareness by volunteering in your community, using social media to spread the word. The more we take a stand against domestic violence the better chance we have of stopping it for future generations.
- Documentation if you are abused or if you have ever witnessed domestic violence of any kind. It is important to write down things like location, dates, times, Injuries, what happened and name of abuser. This is vital in helping the police to press charges and ensure you get to safety.
- Sign up for my weekly newsletter on my website and join in me in the fight to stop violence against women. Teaching you not only self defence but also mental and emotional guidance.
LOOKING AT THE STATISTICS
My mind was blown looking at the statistics such as in 2020 on a global scale 81,000 women/girls were killed and that out of this number 58% of these victims died in hands of intimate partner, ex partners or by a family member.
That is roughly 1 in 3 women that are being subjected to this type of abuse in their own home. Research also shows that 29,000 people have been hospitalised over the last year due to domestic violence with 76% being female and 30% being men.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE WEBSITES
There are so many amazing website’s out there that show the statistics of domestic violence in a worldwide context such as blog.gitnux.com and our watch.org.au. This clearly shows just how bad the problem really is on a worldwide scale.
ESCAPE BAG
If you have decided flee from a domestic violence relationship , it is important to not only have an escape plan in place. But also have an escape bag prepared in case you need to make a quick escape. If you can pack this bag in advance and give to a family or friends.
WHAT SHOULD I PACK
- Drivers Licence
- Tax File Number
- Health Insurance Information
- Medicare Card
- Clothes
- Bank Account Information
- Birth Certificates
- Immunisation Records
- Medical Records
- Court documents (if you applied for a retraining order)
- Medicines
- Some toys if you have little kids
- Nappies, Bottled and Formula if you a baby
- Basic Toiletries
- Mobile Phone (or get a family member or friends to buy you a new one with a new number so it will be ready )
HOW DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IMPACTS CHILDREN
Essentially it’s vital to discuss the impacts that domestic violence can have on children. Especially if they have witnessed or subjected to this type of abuse. This cannot only cause problems in the early stages, but also in the long run. Some of the effects that children experience after witnessing domestic violence are discussed below.
ANXIETY
Children are likely to feel like they’re walking on eggs shells if they are surrounded by abuse where one parent is attacking the other. This can be either emotionally or physically. These kids are constantly on edge watching and waiting for the next time for an attack to occur.
Older kids who are in school could start to exhibit anti-social traits, anger issues, feel like it their fault or even feel guilty if the feel like they could not protect the abused parent.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
When most people think of ptsd they probably think about soldiers. PTSD can also have devastating effects on children who witness this and survivors of domestic abuse. Even if this children were not been to subjected to physical abuse themselves. Witnessing domestic violence is detrimental enough to cause nightmares, lack of sleep, irritability, difficulty focusing on schoolwork and lack of trust.
PHYSICAL EFFECTS
Worrying about children mental health these days is common for most parents. But it’s even more dangerous for children who are witnessing the abuse of a parent. They could seem to be okay on outside but be really struggling on the inside.
START TO SHOW AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOUR
One of the most dangerous impacts that can happen in the teenage years, who witness domestic abuse. Is they may start to act out more aggressively as they do not know how to process their emotions. They may begin to start fights, not attend school, start to take risky behaviour, drugs or even start drinking. Unfortunately without help and early intervention these kids are likely to end up on the wrong side of the law.
PATTERNS OF ABUSE
Unfortunately in many instances, children that live in this environment will find themselves in the same type of situation as they enter adulthood. Without the proper support at a young age they may feel this is what a relationship is supposed to look like. As they have not been exposed to how people really in love are supposed to act.
As children enter in adulthood they will be more inclined to moved out to escape from this type of abuse in order to begin healing. But it is important to understand that simply moving away from domestic violence will not undo the damage caused. Some of these issues are listed below.
DEPRESSION
The trauma of been subjected witnessing domestic violence for a long period of time. Leaves children at a high risk of developing depression, sadness, lack of confidence, trust issues, worthiness and suicidal thoughts. It is essential that not only children but victims of domestic violence have counselling services available to them. But also have amazing support systems in place in order to help recover in order to live a happy, healthy life.
ONGOING HEALTH ISSUES
Unfortunately poor health patterns can form in both children or victims that are subjected to abuse for a long period of time. This can range from migraines, weight gain, eating disorders, high blood pressure or even diabetes.
HOW TO PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN
SAFETY IS PRIORITY
One of the best ways to protect the well-being of a child is for victims of domestic abuse to receive the necessary support they need to leave the abusive environment. By doing this, children are spared further exposure to violence and are given a chance to grow up within healthier structures.
A lot of women find it difficult to leave abusive relationships either to fear of their safety or they are been emotionally and financially controlled. In these situations it is vital friends and family check up on them
It is important for all children to understand and see what a healthy relationship looks like. Children need be taught healthy ways to resolve differences and disagreements in friendships, and loving relationships. It’s important that they learn wholesome ways that partners can relate with each other, taking care to share why violence has no place in relationships.
They need to fully understand that what they have been subjected to is not how healthy relationships are. Violence is not the answer and there is no excuse for it.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Like most people out there, you think that self defence is only about how to defend yourself physically from any potential harm. Here at women aware defence I truly believe that all women should have martial arts training. But I feel the true power comes from becoming educated how to be strong mentally and emotionally.
I hope this guide has helped to give you a better understanding on fear to freedom domestic violence. Your intuition is not only your best weapon in the early stages of a relationship but also in your life to help keep yourself safe. If you ever feel in danger please seek professional help. Let’s join together and help the women of the world break free of domestic violence once and for all. Please remember you are strong, you are beautiful and you are worth it.
Transforming Fear Into Strength