Protect yourself against stalking
Protect yourself against stalking. We have all probably heard or read that celebrities have to deal with stalkers. But unfortunately this also occurs to the general public. This can include people who we have had brief encounters, ex-partners or ex-husbands.
WHAT IS STALKING
Stalking is defined as being harassed or threatening behaviour that makes the recipient uncomfortable. Such as following a person, randomly showing up at your house, constant phone calls, leaving notes in your letter box, flowers, or vandalising property. There need to be a constant pattern of behaviour, in order for it to be classified as stalking. You would find that most stalking scenarios occurs after a victim leaves a relationship. Women are significantly more likely to be stalked by a spouse or ex-spouse than by a stranger, acquaintance, relative, or friend.
WHAT IS A STALKERS MOTIVATION?
A stalkers motivation largely depends on the type of relationship you have with them in the beginning. If your stalker was somebody with whom you had an intimate relationship then their motivation could be to re-establish that relationship, or to exact revenge on you for breaking it off.
If the stalker is an acquaintance or friend, they could be aimed at trying to start an intimate relationship with you, etc. Often, the stalker has no clear goal of what they are trying to achieve and stalking itself becomes an almost like an addiction. One thing to remember about stalking is that it is time-consuming.
ACQUAINTANCE STALKING
These type of stalkers have an immaturity regarding romantic relationships. They honestly believe that if they show you enough interest and demonstrate their feelings clearly enough. You fall in love with them they will convince themselves their target will eventually realise that they are the “one”. They will start to feel baffled and confused as to why the gifts and the attention is not given them the desired outcomes. Often, this will cause them to make even bigger gestures. Therefore, causing their target too feel even more uncomfortable
Stalkers will misinterpret any gesture or acknowledgement that is made towards them e.g. a smile or simply saying “thank you” when they hold a door open for you, etc. These individuals are usually part of your social circle or just outside of it. They may be work colleagues, fellow students, loose acquaintances, friends of friends, or even people you share a commute with, etc. They are rarely complete strangers.
IMPORTANT THINGS TO REMEMBER
It is important to remember most stalkers will try to find information about you, using social media, the internet, and mutual friends/acquaintances, etc. They may attempt to get your phone number, email address or other contact information through a friend or work colleague. If someone you know, who you not given your details to, suddenly starts to phone, email or contact you, be very, very suspicious – especially if this happens soon after you first meet them. This is how you protect yourself against stalking.
Note not everybody who obtains this information will turn out to be a stalker, however it is something you should be aware of. Also they could try and obtain information about your interests, or even details about your family, etc. If somebody seems to know too much about you – and or has too much in common with you – this can be a sign that they have been information gathering. These types of stalkers want to convince you that they are your soul mate. By obtaining this information they try to create the perfect profile for themselves.
PROTECT YOURSELF AGAINST STALKING
Such stalkers rarely become violent or offer a threat to your personal safety, however their actions or behaviours, though not their intention, will make you feel uncomfortable and uneasy, as you will always be waiting for the next thing they do, and wonder when, where and if, it will stop. Sometimes, these stalkers will grow “bored” and find a “new” person to be interested in, leaving you alone – they may come back to you at a later date, when they lose interest in the person they are stalking, at that particular time.
Doing nothing is always an option, however it is leaving the timing and control of a situation to your stalker and there is always the possibility that the final outcome of their campaign is more emotional, dramatic and bitter than might be necessary – and could have possibly been avoided if you had done something to actively end it; it is also possible that your stalker could change the nature of their campaign to one that is motivated by a desire to “punish” and “teach you a lesson” for leading them on, as they see it.
If you can take control of the situation away from your stalker by confronting them and dealing with the situation on your own terms, this will be to your advantage.
STALKING TACTICS
We know stalking includes a variety of tactics and behaviours. Some are more threatening than others. Stalking causes their targets to feel afraid or uncomfortable, regardless how small it may seem.
Stalking could be either physical or digital, and includes tactics like:
-
Receiving constant and unwanted phone calls or texts.
-
Sending unwanted letters or emails to either your work or home.
-
Following or spying on you in order to work out your daily routine.
-
Showing up wherever you are without a legitimate reason to be there.
-
Driving by or waiting around at places you frequent such as home, work, or school.
-
Leaving letters, presents, or flowers for you to find.
-
Humiliating you by spreading rumours, or posting information about you on social media, in a public place.
-
Looking through your property including rubbish bins, mail, or inside your car.
-
Collecting information about you using public records, online search services, or hiring investigators.
-
Monitoring your phone calls, email, social media, or other computer use.
-
Utilizing technology, like hidden cameras or GPS, to track you.
-
Threatening to hurt you, your family, friends, or pets.
SAFETY PLAN
If you suspect someone is stalking you, here are some common safety planning tips you can incorporate into your daily routine:
-
Change your routine by using a different bank, shopping centre and taking a different route to work or school.
-
Do not travel alone; use the buddy system as much as possible.
-
Stay in public areas to increase safety.
-
Advise people you trust such as your friends, family, coworkers, or supervisors, about your stalking concerns.
-
Develop a code word to use when a stalker is present or when you may be in danger. When you text a friend or family member the code word, they know you need help.
- Create a set plan of how you are going avoid and putting necessary safety measures in place.
-
Install a home security system such as deadbolts, window locks or gates, visible security cameras, and motion-activated outdoor lights.
-
Make a police report and get a restraining order against the stalker. This might not prevent stalking, but it will allow you to report any violations of the order to the local police. This will increase the likelihood that the stalker will eventually face legal consequences.
ONLINE STALKING
Stalking doesn’t just happen in person. It can also occur online or digitally. Here are some safety planning tips if you suspect stalking online:
-
Block their phone numbers and social media accounts. You can ask your friends and family to block or report their accounts as spam.
-
Contact your e-mail provider to see if they can block an e-mail address.
-
Change your phone number and e-mail address. You can also create customized ones for daily use.
-
Update your internet security on all your electronic devices.
-
Check your electronic devices for spyware.
-
Find out if your country or state has cyberstalking and online harassment laws.
DOCUMENT INCIDENTS (protect yourself against stalking)
It is important that if you believe you are getting stalked to document as much about their behaviour as possible. This will create evidence of a pattern of behaviour, which can be helpful when reporting to law enforcement. Such as the following
- Where the incident occurred
- Was anything said
- Dates, Time and Location
SAVING OR KEEPING PHYSICAL EVIDENCE
It is important to save text messages, emails, voicemails, letters or presents for evidence. Please remember blocking or attempting to block the stalker’s access to you could cause them to retaliate further. The stalker might change their phone numbers, email addresses, or create spam accounts to friend you on social media.
DO NOT RESPOND TO YOUR STALKER
If have asked your stalker to stop contacting you. Then it is typically safer to not respond to them after the boundary has been set.
Acknowledging any of their behaviour with a reply is likely to be seen as a sign that these tactics are working. This could increase abusive behavior. It also increases the likelihood that you could be accused of encouraging the abuser, weakening any legal case you have against them moving forward. This is the right way to protect yourself against stalking.
If the stalker promises to stop contacting you if you meet with them in person, that is likely an attempt to put you in a vulnerable position. This is so they can use other abusive tactics against you. Threats against your family and friends are used as emotional blackmail to convince you to give the abuser more access to you.
ALWAYS REMEMBER
No matter what happens this situation is not your fault. Abusive individuals are charismatic and manipulative. Once you’ve communicated your boundaries and asked them to cease contact, you do not owe them further communication. It is best to end contact and stay away from them.
Survivors of any kind are creative and resilient. Here are some other creative safety tips when dealing with a stalker:
MORE TIPS
-
Throughout the day, keep your curtains or shades closed or turn on random lights.
-
Display a sign with the name of your security system in your front yard or window.
-
Tell your neighbourhood watch about the stalking.
-
If you don’t feel comfortable being public about it, you can call the crime watch number and mention that you have seen a “suspicious person” frequenting the area and give a physical description.
-
Describe the make, model, and license plate number of any vehicles you know the stalker uses so others can warn you if they see the stalker.
-
Ask your landlord or neighbor to randomly check the property.
-
Ensure that your bank and doctor’s office have password protection for your information.
-
By giving a trusted friend the key, you can ask them to randomly water your plants or feed your pet. This can increase the likelihood of catching the stalker.
-
Make your house harder for the stalker to enter by getting a dog that barks.
-
Install bells and chimes at your house’s entrances and exits.
-
Ask your co-workers to screen your calls
-
Add encrypted passwords to your phone and email
-
If you suspect spyware has been installed on a device, buy a new one, such as a phone or computer.
-
When a stalker frequents your neighborhood, request an officer to patrol the area. Give an anonymous tip about a “suspicious person” in your area if you detect a pattern.
FINAL THOUGHTS ON PROTECTING YOURSELF AGAINST STALKING